


My Final Farewell To You

by FiliKiliThorinForever



Series: Our Final Voyage [1]
Category: Poldark (TV 2015), Return to Treasure Island (TV)
Genre: DarkHawk, M/M, Treasure Island/Poldark crossover, farewell letters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-25
Packaged: 2018-04-17 04:59:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653297
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FiliKiliThorinForever/pseuds/FiliKiliThorinForever
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A week after Ross received the news of Jims death at Trafalgar a gentleman arrives at his door with a letter and deed in tow. It has been a long time since Ross has heard from or seen the blond sailor, and his heart is heavy with the grief of losing him without getting the chance to say goodbye.</p><p>But it seems Jim has not yet finished taking care of his beloved soldier, for he has one last gift to give him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Final Farewell To You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [My_Trex_has_fleas](https://archiveofourown.org/users/My_Trex_has_fleas/gifts).



> So, being relatively new to the Darkhawk fandom I have inhaled Trex's works like a dying man needs air and I absolutely love the way in which all the stories are written. Just before I read Prelude I got a call from my parents telling my our cat was going to the vet the next day and it could very well be it, and with those rather morbid thoughts I read this and this idea, a 'what if' of Jim writing to Ross before he died appeared. 
> 
> I wasn't sure I was going to write this but then when I woke up the next day my mum called and told me she'd been put down, and this was my outlet I suppose, so sorry if it's a bit jilted and what have you, it was pretty bad when i re-read it today but I think I've fixed it.
> 
> I totally apologise if I've butchered the feeling of the period style writing Trex has done so well in this and part 2 (which I read today at work). I've tried to keep the tone and style but may have missed slightly lol.

**Sadly I do not own the writings or the characters of Poldark or Return to Treasure Island. This is simply based on its characters, and on the portrayal in which My_Trex_has_fleas has fantastically written them.  
**

 

* * *

 

 

He couldn’t sleep. It had been a week since his past had caught up with him in the form of Captain William Blythe, who had regretfully brought the news about the death of the man he’d loved a lifetime ago but had had to leave behind as duty and society demanded it.

Every night he’d woken to the memory of stormy blue eyes and sun kissed skin, kissable dimples and ringing laughter.

Breathy moans and whimpered pleas.

Despite all the years that had passed every memory of Jim remained untouched by time, as though he had only just left him and he couldn’t help the sadness that overcame him every time he thought about the man who had stolen his heart so long ago.

He loved Demelza, he truly did and he wouldn’t trade her or the life they now had together with their children for the world however part of him, the part he’d locked away all those years ago couldn’t help but wonder what life would’ve been like if he’d instead had the blond sailor by his side.

Sleep continued to elude him that night, and after ensuring he hadn’t woken Demelza with his restlessness he slipped out of bed and made his way to the window. He opened the latch and sat on the sill with his back against the wall and a leg bent in front of him as he gazed out into the night, allowing the crashing of the waves and the salty sea air to wash over him and calm his racing heart.

It was as he watched the moon glint off the ocean that his thoughts moved to Jim once again, Will’s news informing him of the blonds death echoing in his ears.

_“…lost 47 crew, including two Lieutenants and the Captain. A tragedy. Before we embarked he asked me to bring it to you, should he fall. I think in some way he knew he wasn’t going to return.”_

_“That doesn’t surprise me. He was always a step ahead of me.”_

And that he was; Jim’s uncanny ability to know his emotions and thoughts before he knew them himself had often thrown him for a loop. But as he set sail on his last voyage Ross couldn’t help but wonder how Jim had felt going into the battle; whether he was excited, the blood rushing through his veins at the prospect of taking on the Spanish and commandeering one or two of their ships, or perhaps there was fear mixed with resignation to the fact he knew the trip to Trafalgar would be his final voyage.

For some reason the thought of Jim scared hurt the most. Jim, bright, cheerful and whose love was a fiery and passionate tempest Jim should never have been exposed to a fear such as that. If their stars had been aligned differently Ross knew he would’ve done everything in his power to ensure his beloved Jim had never experienced that at all.

As the soft breeze rolled off his skin and the moonlight washed over his upturned face, the rest of the night passed slowly as his mind enveloped him with every memory that held Jim in it.

 

* * *

 

_He waited for the wax to gather before stamping the letter shut with the seal of his house, trapping the words behind parchment and wax to only be let out by its intended recipient. Leaving the envelope sitting on his desk so the wax could dry he stood and made his way out of the office and began strolling through each room. He smiled as the memories that had seeped into the walls of the house flitted through his mind, reminding him of the times that had seen the house lit up in happiness and laughter, as well as ones that had shrouded the house in darkness and grief._

_The path he followed was one he knew from memory, not just from his time growing up here but also from the countless times he had taken this walk, thinking it could be his last._

_A ritual, his mother had called it when they spoke of it, a last chance of absorbing memories for what could possibly be the last time._

_He’d always returned only to find himself taking the same walk once again before his next deployment, and each time he did he was a little older and a little wiser, adding pieces of memories that he wished the walls to know even though they had not experienced it for themselves._

_This time around however Jim got the distinct feeling that this would be the last time he’d retrace these footsteps, feel the memories the house held._

_Deep down inside, he knew he wasn’t coming back._

_“Love this place for me Ross,” he whispered as he stood at the upstairs window overlooking the fields and ocean, closing his eyes as the soft wind ruffled his hair. “Love this place for me as I loved you.”_

 

* * *

 

A knock on the door echoed through the house around midday after Ross had just sat down to lunch with his family, and not a few moments later the housemaid returned with a gentleman in tow.

“Good afternoon,” the man greeted them with an incline of his head, stepping forward to shake the hand Ross extended as he stood from his seat. “The name is Ryan Pritchard, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

“And you good sir,” Ross replied with a small smile. “Ross Poldark, my wife Demelza and our brood of troublemakers,” he paused, grinning at the giggles it elicited from his children. “Something however tells me you are well aware of who we are. Pray tells what brings you our way this fine day?”

“Ah yes,” Ryan mused, sobering after laughing along with the little ones. “Sadly it is business that has pulled me down to Cornwall rather than pleasure. Is there somewhere more private where we can talk?”

With a nod Ross collected his plate and mug and after requesting the housemaid to put together some lunch for their guest he led him to the study.

“Business you say,” Ross queried as he sat down, motioning for the man to take a seat also. “Forgive me for sounding confused but I don’t I have any business that would drag a gentlemen like yourself from heavens knows where to my doorstep.”

Ryan nodded with a small smile as he withdrew a small bundle of parchment from the small satchel he had strapped across his shoulder. “I understand the confusion Mr Poldark. Tell me, does the name James Hawkins ring any bells?”

He felt his breath catch in his throat at the name, the grief still too near to be able to openly talk about the man. “Aye,” he breathed shakily, “the name is familiar.”

“And judging by your reaction I daresay the news of his fate has already reached you.”

Ross nodded again, his eyes unwillingly drawn to the chest where he knew his sword rested alongside another that did not belong to him, yet had been gifted all the same. “A friend of Jims, Captain William Blythe stopped by to inform me of what befell him.”

Ryan nodded and untied the small bundle, removing the first bit of parchment and holding it out to the man opposite him.

“This is the will of Captain Hawkins. There’s not much to read as its requests are pretty simple, so as per his instructions I would like to congratulate you on inheriting his estate. There are one or two housemaids and a farmhand that are currently looking after the property until you decide what you wish to do with it -”

“What of his children?”

“Sadly the Captain never married. He dedicated his life to His Majesty’s navy, his ship and his crew. He was an extraordinary sailor and a fine man, but I don’t think he had the heart to go chasing pretty lasses when he knew he might never return. Breaking hearts is something he never wanted to do.”

Ross blinked away the tears that were threatening to fall, the thought of Jim not finding someone who would love him, like he had loved him once, was something that threatened to break his heart. The blond had lived a life of loneliness and cold beds and it was that thought that prompted him to ask “why leave the estate to me? Surely he has family somewhere?”

“His parents, as well as he, were only children. He mentioned that you were one of his most cherished friends outside those in the navy and it was because of that he knew his parents’ home would be in good hands.”

Ross held out his hand in a silent request to see the document which Ryan handed over obligingly, and his dark eyes read it word for word finding that Jim had indeed left everything to him. Heart heavy with sorrow he set the will down and glanced at what remained of the bundle Ryan had opened.

“What are those?”

Ryan slid the small pile across the desk as the housemaid entered with his lunch, and after a quick thanks to the young lady he explained what was sitting in front of the brunet.

“Those are a mixture of documents he left for you plus some paperwork I figured you’d like to have a look at to learn more about the estate. There are a few maps and bills as well as a description of what can be found on and around the land, along with what the land is best suited for. The documents Captain Hawkins left are the deed of the house, which was fully owned by him so there are no fears of foreclosure from the bank, and a sealed letter addressed to you.”

Ross looked at the man across from him in surprise. “Me?”

“Aye sir,” Ryan agreed with a nod, “from what he explained to me when he first put the will together the letter was just to explain a few things you should know about the estate and the likes. He had changed it a few times over the years but I believe it was just to inform you of any changes.”

The brunet nodded mutely and dug the envelope out of the pile before tucking it in his pocket for later reading, unwilling to read it in front of anyone for fear of what it could say.

As they finished their lunch Ryan informed Ross of what he knew about the estate, having been there many times in the past as he was a good friend of Jims.

“Why not leave the estate to you then if you knew him so well?” Ross wondered, feeling slightly guilty Jim would leave his property to a lover he hadn’t seen in a long time.

“As much as I like the property Jim knew I’d never live there, the house I live in with my family has seen a lot of blood, sweat and tears over the years to get it to where it is today so…”

“So it’s not something you would give up willingly,” Ross finished in understanding.

Eventually the man took his leave, telling Ross he’d be staying at the inn for the next two nights should he have any questions or a decision before he headed home.

After seeing Ryan to the door he left the house and collected his horse, choosing to ride her bareback down to the coast until he found the hidden pathway that led to the secluded beach he often swam in.

He made his way down the rocky staircase and removed his boots, shirt and the letter before stepping onto the soft sand, pausing for a moment to enjoy the feeling of the fluffy grit beneath his toes. With a sad sigh at the memory of a man who loved the sand and ocean just as much as he did he walked until he was standing before the shoreline and sat down.

It was a feeling akin to what could only be walking to the gallows that settled in him as he turned the letter over, reading the sparse letters that spelled out his name in the oh so familiar handwriting before he broke the seal and removed the contents, unfolding them with great care. After smiling at the sight of Jims tidy scrawl he took a deep breath and began to read.

 

_My dearest Ross,_

_If this letter has made its way to you then it can only mean I am dead, something that I can only hope was a heroic one out at sea doing what I loved best._

_I know that receiving this letter and the bequeathing of my family’s estate must have come as somewhat of a shock, considering it has been many a year since we have had any contact and many more since we last saw each other. But I know that I am leaving it in the best possible hands, and considering I have had no family to speak of for the last five years there no one is around to disagree._

_Upsetting you, or leaving you feeling guilty is the last thing I could ever wish to do, so please take it as a compliment and an everlasting love for you that I say I never found anyone after you because no one, no matter how hard I tried, could compare._

_Everything about you had me utterly entranced; your looks, your laugh, your personality and most importantly, your smile. It is hard to find someone when your life has been touched by an Adonis such as yourself._

_You never knew but I had come to visit you several years ago. We had docked in Cornwall for a few nights to resupply after a rough time at sea, and I decided to wander the town in the hopes of finding you._

_Imagine my surprise at spotting you mere moments after disembarking._

_Your name had been on the tip of my tongue when I spotted who I could only assume to be your very beautiful wife and children, all of you talking and laughing. Oh how I’ve missed the sound of your laughter Ross, it is a noise that often follows me into awakening._

_However seeing you all together was the confirmation I had needed to know you had moved on. Many a letter I had written to you yet received nothing in return, and fear not my dear, it is not something I hold against you for when one wishes to move on a clean break is sometimes the best thing._

_When I saw you standing there, with your head thrown back in laughter as your daughter who had a scowl that rivalled your own said something to her brother I realised that seeing you was both a bittersweet reunion and the final farewell I had been in search of._

_If you fear I never sought out pleasure worry not, I have spent many a coin on both men and women during my leave who could give me a warm body and soft skin to feel against my own, someone who pretended to care, if only for an hour._

_As I write this I am preparing for a trip to Trafalgar, my dedication to my work has made me a Captain of my own ship can you believe it, and I should like to think that you would be proud of me, for I am indeed proud of you and the life you have built for yourself._

_Sadly it’s time to go, the carriage will be here to collect me shortly. If I am lucky enough to return perhaps I will have a tale from my newest adventure to add to the end of this._

_So, my dearest Ross, if the world had been different I would like to think and hope that maybe we would have been accepted together, and that what we had could be shown in other places rather than behind the safety of walls. Then again perhaps that is just a lonely man’s wishful thinking._

_I wish you all the happiness in the world my love_

_Yours,_

_Jim_

 

A drop of water landed on the parchment, thankfully just below the ink where it couldn’t smudge. Ross let out a shaky breath, a heavy lump sitting in his throat as he felt his heart break for the man who he had fallen for yet couldn’t have, and the man who had fallen for him and couldn’t move on in return.

He had received several letters since the last time they saw each other but eventually they had stopped, and he’d been so busy at the time that he’d had no time to reply or wonder if the sailor was ok.

Despite Jims assurances that it was ok the thought of the blonds disappointment when he received no reply cut deep.

The day that Jim had written of, from when he was in Cornwall was one that he remembered clearly, for it was the day near the docks when he had believed he’d caught sight of the blond, framed by the sunlight and the glistening harbour yet when he looked back in shock, thinking it was him he’d seen nothing and so had passed it off as a memory from a dream.

If only he’d bothered to check.

“Oh Jim,” he whispered tearfully as he placed a gentle kiss to where the blond had signed his name. “My love for you never died. Go now and guard the high seas, be at peace.”

Because peace and the chance to be free of a forbidden love was all he could hope Jim had found as finally sailed his way towards the horizon.


End file.
